Please click on the photo attached for larger version of the letter. Alternatively, you could save it and use the zoom function to view the letter better. Thank you.Firstly on the courtesy part of the letter, it had made me felt that the organization (The Body Shop) had appreciated me as a member and had attached benefits/rewards for me to continue my membership. They had used positive words such as “great”, “pleased to invite you” and proper tone in the letter.
Next on the correctness, the letter was written in proper English, not that formal but friendly style. However I felt that the last sentence could be improved. “We wish to also remind you that your current rewards stamps will expire with your card, so don’t forget to redeem all product/treatment rebates before 31 October 2008.” It could be change to “Please do remember to redeem all product/treatment rebates before 31 October 2008, as your current rewards stamps will expire with your card. We wish you have a pleasant shopping experience with us.”
This letter fulfilled the requirements on conciseness. It had listed the options and rewards clearly within a page. Regarding clarity, the letter told me exactly what I need to know such as my membership expiry date, how much I need to top up for Star loyalty status and how I can renew my membership. However, when I first read the letter, I was a bit confused whether I could redeem either rewards or both. Maybe it would be good to add another short sentence, “We are proud to offer you two renewal rewards.”
This letter also showed coherence, for instance what options were available to renew the membership followed by what were the renewal rewards. It had cohesion too such as usage of repetition about the expiry date. The letter had linked the ideas in a logical fashion.
Furthermore, the letter had shown concreteness and completeness. Informing my spending to-date and the details of the benefits I would get for renewing the membership. The letter had mentioned to me all that I need to know and contacts of the organization were provided.
Overall I felt that the letter was well-written, it had indeed lure me to renew my membership, since it was cheap at just $10 and had good marketing strategy. However, I didn’t renew due to some other reasons.
Hey Jane,
ReplyDeleteThe courtesy of the letter is indeed excellent which could be attributed to its customer-based business.
The letter was very concise in how they wrote the letter in point form and using short sentences to deliver their intentions.
Just to sidetrack a little, I guessed marketing strategy was good but maybe they can include free items as incentives which i assure can improve the number of membership renewals.
Cheers!
Johny
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI think you have give a good critique on this letter. The letter delivered its message in point form and was very concise. Also, It bold certain key words,underlined the expiry date and its promotion so that reader can scan through the letter at a glance. This letter certainly understands the consumer's mindset. Its such a pity they did not manage to retain your membership.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI received the same Body Shop letter and personally, I was quite tempted to continue the membership too! Haha.
I love letters that are clear and concise, like this one, with short sentences that conveys the points. It will not put the readers off as being another boring letter to lure them into their marketing trap! And anyway, the presence of cut-off coupons in the letter can make the readers have more interest in reading the letter to know more about money-saving-opportunities!
Hieyo!
ReplyDeleteI see that you have cut out a coupon to redeem for something. LOL!
Anyway, this letter is short and sweet. Everything is to the point and impactful. I like their use of 1-sentence kind of paragraph as it is very clear-cut.
In terms of the 7Cs, I think it has fulfilled all Cs..
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI feel that the letter is well written and concise. It makes quite a good lure for the member to continue the subscription.
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI think the letter is well-written, after reading through quite a no. of business letters while going through the blogs, this impressed me the most. Especially the part which they put in clear concise point-form manner, the ways which you can go about renewing your membership. Nice.
Just a point though, maybe it will be clearer to the reader if it can be stated on the letter, the ways one can go about making the payment of $10 to renew one's membership.
Ken
Hi All,
ReplyDeleteJohny, I agree, maybe if they attached vouchers and free gifts might tempt me to renew my membership. Maybe the renewal fee was not that much, so was not able to give more attractive rewards.
Swee guan, you’re right they bold the key words, didn’t notice that though, till you mentioned.
Yuan, I like short letter too! Nicer to read. The cut-off coupons are a good strategy. :)
Kalene, one sentence kind of paragraph are easy to read, however I think not too much would be good so as to prevent lack of concreteness and completeness.
Kenny, I like the point form too, easier to read. About the payment of $10 it is actually stated in the letter “renew your membership at any The Body Shop stores in Singapore” :)
Thanks for all the comments! (=