An interpersonal conflict that I could recall which is close to my heart was a quarrel between my sister and me.
My sister is married and would come home once a week to attend church together. Often, she would ask me if she could use my laptop and internet. As in my household, I’m the only one who needs to use computer, so there is no desktop; my laptop is the only one available.
One day, she wanted to use the laptop and promised would only use for an hour. I have a report due the following week, but not the following day. So I agreed to let her use. One hour was up and I rushed her to let me use the laptop, but she requested for another hour, and the things she was doing were not important; re-sizing photos.
I guess I snapped at her and said "I thought you were doing your office work! You are wasting my time! Hurry up!"
She was upset and told me off "Seems like every time your exams are near, you become impatient and you don’t seem to like me coming home. Next time I will not come back!" Then she stormed to the living room.
My heart broke, maybe because I felt accused, my sister was not doing important things with the laptop, and the truth is I like her to come home. Ever since she moved out few years back, I would miss the times when we shared the bedroom together and look forward to seeing her every week. At that point in time my heart ached maybe also because I was scared that she meant what she said in not coming back home.
I reflected upon what had happened and tried to stand in her shoes. I agreed that whenever my exams are near, I would be impatient, rushing her. Maybe this was due to the stress and deadlines to meet. I didn’t inform her that I had important work to do using the laptop too. I believed if I had communicated with her, she would not use the laptop.
Furthermore, the disagreement over the usage of laptop happen a few times before too, and maybe we didn’t sort it out, holding it and at that day we eventually got annoyed with each other's actions. My poor attitude over the period of time might have made her upset as well.
I went out and apologize for my rude actions and told her that I love her to come home and explained to her why I was annoyed. She understood and things were back to normal again.
There would be disagreements in a family, it can be small matters like the one I had mentioned above or a more serious case, how will you resolve it? Communication is important in all relationships, especially with our loved ones. How well do you manage your stress and how well do you communicate with your family?
My sister is married and would come home once a week to attend church together. Often, she would ask me if she could use my laptop and internet. As in my household, I’m the only one who needs to use computer, so there is no desktop; my laptop is the only one available.
One day, she wanted to use the laptop and promised would only use for an hour. I have a report due the following week, but not the following day. So I agreed to let her use. One hour was up and I rushed her to let me use the laptop, but she requested for another hour, and the things she was doing were not important; re-sizing photos.
I guess I snapped at her and said "I thought you were doing your office work! You are wasting my time! Hurry up!"
She was upset and told me off "Seems like every time your exams are near, you become impatient and you don’t seem to like me coming home. Next time I will not come back!" Then she stormed to the living room.
My heart broke, maybe because I felt accused, my sister was not doing important things with the laptop, and the truth is I like her to come home. Ever since she moved out few years back, I would miss the times when we shared the bedroom together and look forward to seeing her every week. At that point in time my heart ached maybe also because I was scared that she meant what she said in not coming back home.
I reflected upon what had happened and tried to stand in her shoes. I agreed that whenever my exams are near, I would be impatient, rushing her. Maybe this was due to the stress and deadlines to meet. I didn’t inform her that I had important work to do using the laptop too. I believed if I had communicated with her, she would not use the laptop.
Furthermore, the disagreement over the usage of laptop happen a few times before too, and maybe we didn’t sort it out, holding it and at that day we eventually got annoyed with each other's actions. My poor attitude over the period of time might have made her upset as well.
I went out and apologize for my rude actions and told her that I love her to come home and explained to her why I was annoyed. She understood and things were back to normal again.
There would be disagreements in a family, it can be small matters like the one I had mentioned above or a more serious case, how will you resolve it? Communication is important in all relationships, especially with our loved ones. How well do you manage your stress and how well do you communicate with your family?
Jane! I also love your cute picture! Yuan has cute comic strip and you have cute picture. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the ache you felt, when I tried to put myself in your position. And you had resolved the conflict very well. You communicated to your sister that you love her and that you like her to come home. I felt that was a very heartwarming solution and also, the best solution.
When I'm stressed, I tend to be less patient too. As such, I may be speaking in a less polite manner to my loved ones at times. The first signs that reflect my loss of composure is a heightened pitch of voice and faster speed when talking. So, I usually keep quiet when I realise that I am losing my composure so as to recollect my emotions again. It is hard to effectively manage one's emotions, and I am still learning how to maintain a Zen-like state in all kinds of situations. So, we can all learn and practise together! >_<
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I would like to commend on your excellent coherent post.
I feel that communication on your feelings and actions that cause them is essential. It is essential also to let your loved ones know the importance of the projects or the datelines that must be met so that they could be more understanding.
People often have reasons why a behaviour is performed or why a viewpoint is made. To effectively solve the majority of conflicts, one must be able to take the other person's viewpoint. One must also be receptive on the other's viewpoint. It would then be easier to tease up the illogical bits of information to allow for the acceptance of a common viewpoint on how some differences could be sorted out. This would of course not allow stress and other factors to cloud the judgement.
For people who is easily swayed by their emotions to make the wrong decisions, then the deep breathing technique might work when they are stressed.
Hello
ReplyDeleteI thought that you have did the right thing in apologising to your sister! I would also have done the same thing after my anger subsided and when I put myself into another person's shoe and think about what I have did.
I had the same problem and I have the tendency to throw tantrum at my family when I am stressed. Little impatient behaviour that you didn't mean it can cause unhappiness between you and your loved ones.
Like kalene, I am also learning how to control my emotions because I think I have a low EQ. =x
But what's more important is the memories that you and family members share that made all of you treasure this relationship even more.
Cheers!
Hi Kalene,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments; I will upload more cute pictures. :)
Yes, I agree that sometimes it is difficult to control our temper and is good to keep silent, as to prevent further aggravation. It takes time to learn and keep cool, guess it will get better as we grow. :)
Hi Bernard,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments. Yes, one needs to be receptive to other people viewpoints. It is important to have an open heart and find out how the other party feels. This is to make accurate conclusion why a certain action or behavior had been made. In other words, stand in the other person shoes.
I think people who are easily swayed by their emotions to make the wrong decisions have to do more than just taking a deep breath, they need to learn how to control; self-discipline on their emotions too. Yup, taking deep breath can help alleviates stress, I do that too, and also by listening to music. :)
Hi Yuan,
ReplyDeleteYup, I feel apologizing is important. Some people might not like to take the first step of apologizing, maybe due to pride. I agree, I did things that should not be done in the first place, I’m also learning to mange my emotions. :)
Thanks for you comments!
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteExcellent analysis of the situation. Noticing that you didn’t stress the reason you needed the computer was very interesting. Do you find that sometimes it is harder to communicate in ways that we think will succeed, ie that there is more pressure when the chance of success is higher, and thus we avoid that?
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ReplyDeleteHi Matt,
ReplyDeleteThat’s an interesting question, didn’t realise that I did not stress the reason I needed the computer, until you said so.
I do agree that sometimes I find it harder to communicate in ways that we think will succeed. Thus we avoid it. I think this maybe because we always think that we are right, or to avoid heated arguments, so we kept quiet. I feel that there are many different ways to communicate the same thing and the outcome will be different. Guess if a person able to master communication well, the pressure would be lower when the chance of success is higher.
Hope I’m not making things more confusing and had answered your question. (: